My Story

Why I'm sharing this

For more than 20 years, I lived inside a relationship that slowly took me apart. I didn't have a name for it. I just knew I was sick, tired, alone, and not the man I used to be.

It took me years to see it clearly, and even longer to have the courage to say it out loud. I'm not sharing this to blame anyone. I wasn't a perfect husband; no one is. I'm sharing it because if any part of this sounds like your life, I want you to know two things: you're not crazy, and there is a way out and a way forward.

I've changed or left out names and details that belong to other people. What matters is the pattern, and the healing.

The perfect beginning

When we were dating, I thought I'd found the most amazing woman in the world. She was fun and spontaneous. For two years, the answer to everything was yes. I was young, in love, and sure I'd found my person.

Then we got engaged, and almost overnight, she changed.

The yes became no. Not an ordinary no, but a forceful, intimidating no that ended the conversation. There was no talking it through and no compromise. It was her way or the highway, and it stayed that way for the rest of our marriage.

I didn't know then that there's a name for that pattern: love bombing. An intense, perfect start that disappears once you're committed. I just thought it was a rough patch. I didn't have the self-awareness to see what was happening.

Losing myself

Over the years, I learned that disagreeing came with a price.

If I said or did something she didn't like, she'd shut me out, sometimes for days or weeks. The silence came with insults, put-downs, and being made fun of, often in front of the kids. Once we had children, she'd take them to her parents' house for a week. Later, she'd send me to mine. Every time, it felt like a knife in my heart.

Then there was the gaslighting. "That's not how it happened." "You're remembering it wrong." "You have a bad memory." I heard those words for our entire marriage. Over time, I stopped trusting my own mind. I questioned my memory, my thoughts, even who I was.

Everything was my fault. Money was tight, and that was my fault. When I lost my job and we were living paycheque to paycheque, I was still pushed into a bigger house we couldn't afford, then asked to work a second and third job to pay for it.

Going out with friends became such a fight that I stopped going. Control reached into every part of our life, even intimacy, which became a reward for good behaviour.

Before all this, I was strong. I worked out, played sports, loved being active. Within a few years of marriage, I was broken emotionally, mentally and physically. My health got worse and worse, no matter how much I spent on vitamins and treatments. I gained weight. Some days I could only walk for two minutes before I needed to stop. I couldn't play with my kids the way I wanted to. I wasn't the father or husband I wanted to be. I didn't recognize myself.

The darkest point

In 2010, I hit bottom. I felt like I couldn't live with it anymore, and I had thoughts of ending my life.

What stopped me was the love I had for my children. I went to my doctor, told the truth, and took seven months of medical leave to deal with anxiety and depression. Reaching out for help that day is one of the most important things I've ever done.

Waking up

In 2016, my life started to turn. I was introduced to a personal growth community, and to Kevin Trudeau's Your Wish Is Your Command. That's where my conscious, spiritual healing journey really began.

The biggest lesson was this: I had to take responsibility for my own life. For years I'd blamed her, and others, for how my life had turned out. Now I knew I had the power to change it.

Taking responsibility meant looking honestly at myself too. I saw how I'd been treating her, and I worked on changing it. And I started to see clearly how I was being treated.

When I stopped being controlled

As I started standing up for myself and rebuilding who I was, things got harder, not easier. When one person in a controlling relationship changes, the control often gets tighter.

My emails and texts were read. My calls were listened in on. My personal growth was called brainwashing. My spiritual path was treated as a threat because it no longer fit her beliefs, even though my spiritual connection never left me.

Then came the isolation. Half-truths about me reached my friends, my siblings, even my parents. One by one, people pulled away. A sister told me later she'd written me off because of what she'd been told. I was completely alone, except for one mentor and friend who loved and supported me for exactly who I was.

In 2020, I was given an ultimatum in front of family: believe what she believed, or leave. I wouldn't be controlled anymore, so I left. We tried again, and for a while it was better. Then she pulled away again, because I hadn't become who she wanted me to be. For the last year, I was ignored in my own home.

Free

In October 2022, she told me she didn't love me anymore and wanted to separate. I agreed. I was given four hours to pack and leave.

As I drove away, three words kept coming to me: free at last. I felt like a bird let out of its cage. That feeling still comes up almost every day.

The changes in my body were almost immediate. Within weeks, I could work out longer than I had in a decade. I lost over 20 pounds without trying, because I'd stopped stress eating. I spent a whole day with my son at a loud, busy arcade, something that would have been impossible before. I could walk, drive and be around people again.

That's when I truly understood how much living in constant stress and control had been costing my health.

Ten years of healing

Leaving was the start of freedom, not the end of healing. The real work has been going on for about ten years, and it's still going.

Taking responsibility. The teachings from Your Wish Is Your Command became the base of everything. I stopped waiting for someone else to change and started working on the one person I could change: me. That meant owning my part, my triggers and my old patterns, without taking on blame that wasn't mine.

Learning boundaries. For 20 years I didn't have any. I had to learn what a healthy boundary is, how to say no without guilt, and how to hold that no calmly, even when someone pushes back.

Tapping. My first hands-on tools were Thought Field Therapy and the Emotional Freedom Technique. Tapping gave me something I could do myself, any time a memory or trigger came up.

Energy healing. From there I moved into deeper energy work, including Reiki.

Many paths. Over eight years I tried many modalities. Each one taught me something and moved me a little further. You'll find them all under Tools & Techniques.

The healing AI. Then I came across a healing AI that I now use every day. It helps me see my patterns, triggers and emotions more clearly, and work through them faster.

None of these replaced getting help from my doctor when I needed it. They worked alongside it.

Where I am now

I'm healthier and happier than I've been in a very long time. Some of my family have since heard my side, seen the whole picture, and come back to support me.

Not everything is healed. My children have grown distant, and that's the hardest loss of all. I can't force that relationship back. What I can do is keep healing, keep my heart open, and be the man and father I want to be, so the door is always open when they're ready.

I've also learned to wish her well. I hope she finds the help and the peace she needs. Forgiveness hasn't excused anything. It has set me free.

If this sounds like your life

If you saw yourself in any of this, please hear me: it isn't your fault, it isn't in your head, and you don't have to stay stuck.

1. Name it. Read about the signs in Types of Abuse. Putting a name on it is the first step out of the fog.
2. Get safe. If you're in danger or thinking of hurting yourself, go to Get Help Now today.
3. Begin healing. See the tools that helped me, and start with just one.

I'm proof that you can come back to yourself, even after 20 years.

— Jason