Technological abuse is using phones, computers, apps or online accounts to monitor, control, harass or isolate someone. As our lives move online, it's become one of the most common forms of control, and one of the hardest to spot.
Signs of technological abuse
- Reading your texts, emails or messages without permission.
- Listening in on your calls, or demanding to know who you talk to.
- Tracking your location through your phone, car or shared accounts.
- Demanding your passwords, or changing them so you're locked out.
- Harassing you with constant calls or messages when you're apart.
- Posting or threatening to post private information or images.
What it looked like for me
As I started standing up for myself, my emails and text messages were read, and my phone calls were listened in on, for who knows how long. She even overheard a call with a mentor and used it to act before I could. More in My Story.
Protecting yourself
- Change passwords from a device they've never touched, and turn on two-step verification.
- Check your phone for location sharing, unknown apps and linked accounts.
- Be careful: suddenly locking everything down can raise suspicion. If you're in danger, make a safety plan first with a help line.
- Keep screenshots and notes of harassment somewhere safe.
Tools that help with technological abuse
Building awareness: Your Wish Is Your Command helped me rebuild a private inner life that no one else could reach.
The principle behind the healing: Self-Trust. See Principles for Living.
Shadow work: questions to journal
- How does it feel in my body when my phone buzzes? What does that tell me?
- What parts of my life have I stopped sharing with anyone because I felt watched?
- What would privacy and freedom look like for me now?
Owning your patterns never means owning their abuse.